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Monday, September 04, 2006

OMG....STEVE irwin died todae ...and noe wat he was killed by a freaking sting ray.....i would nvr expect it to happen as stingray is one of my FAV food, now that it killed a man, i swear i would not list it as my FAV foos and abstain it for 1 yr....and regarding the COMEX )^ fair at EXPO, i spent quite a lot..... THE MARITAL PYRAMID Law #1 HEALTHY idividuals make happy marriages Law #2 Marriage is an EMOTIONAL MAGNIFIER a) LOVE is a big manifying glass. We all carry emotional baggages into a relationship. Love magnifies or bring out old emotional wounds and baggages that you may or may not notice until u get into a relationship. Whateva emotional hurts, fears or insecurities you have hidden in ur heart will come to the surface in the marriage. That is why the best gift u can bring into a marriage is a healthy emotion.Marriage is not simply about finding the right partner - its abt being the right partner YOURSELF!!! b)Love creates the emotional safety for old hurts and wounds to surface- for the purpose of being HEALED..... c) The closer u get to ur spouse, the more ur ols repressed feelings will surface. Law #3 COMMUNICATION is the key to a happy marriage relationship.... MARITA PYRAMID BASE (layer 1) : Individual EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH.. 4 significant personality difficulties A) ASOCIAL -- Withdrawn; emotionaly shutdown B) AVOIDANT -- SHy and dislike contact with unfamiliar ppl C) ANTI-SOCIAL -- Hostile to the community as a whole D) DEPENDENT -- An excessive dependence on a spouse Layer #2 COMMUNICATION skills. Layer #3 CONFLICT management Layer #4 ( the tip of the pyramid or the ULTIMATE GOAL of marriage) INTIMACY ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ UNDERSTANDING UR EMOTIOANLA PROGRAMMING EAch od us has an emotional programming from our past that prevents us from loving , and being loved the way we want. YOUR EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS THE SUM OF ALL TH DECISONS YOU HAVE MADE AS A CHILD ABOUT YOURSELF< ABT OTHERS < AND ABT LOVE.... FRom birth to 5 yrs old you receive 50% of ur emotional programming From 5 to 8 yr ols you receive another 30% from 8 to 18 yrs old you receive another 15% that leaves just 5% for u to learn, reevaluate and make new choices to change the other 95%!!! YOUR uncomscious emotional programming is responsible for............... 1. The VALUE SYSTEM concerning love and relationship. 2. The AWKWARDNESS you may have in relating to ppl. 3. The way u EXPRESS LOVE to ppl, esp to ur spouse 4. The way you "PROTECT" yourself wheneva you sense u r getting hurt and disappointed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENT- CHILD RELATIONSHIP 1. LEARNED BEHAVIORS a) ANGER This is a HABITUA:, ABIDING anger-- not normal healthy expressions of grievance or displeasure. Eph 4:26-27 "be angry, do not sin": do not let the sun go down on ur wrath, nor give place to the DEVIL. b) VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS. "Victims" ENJOY SUFFERINGS : holding on to thier pain gives them the illusion that they have power over those who have hurt them. c) CONTROLLING MANIPULATION> i) A controlling parent is highly possessive and jealous ii) A controlling parent gets hurt or upset when he or she does not get his or her own way, or feels out of control. iii)A controlling parent is usually very domineering and critical of others. 2. SEXUAL IMMORALITY a) SEXUAL addiction and obsession. b) Lack of sexual INTERGRITY 3.HAS NOT GROWN UP ( ADULT ADOLESCENCE) a) Financially irresponsible b) UNDEPENDABLE c) UNMOTIVATED 4. EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. a) ur parents cannot SHOW affection or any emotion --he is cold, distant ,aloof and stoic.. b)ur parent cannot or will not TALL abt feelings, or that he or she loves U. c) Ur parents cannot OPEN UP or trust ppl. 5.NEGATIVE VALUE SYSTEM a) wrong moral values eg: telling ur daugther that all MEN are bad ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2) BITTERROOT JUDGEMENT A bitterrot judgement is a SEED of DEEP RESENTMENT that has grown into a full-blown character flaw in ur life making u do the very thing u have detested at the begining ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3) EMOTIONAL WOUNDS a) SEXUAL TRUAMA ( sexual abuse) Sexual abuse or truama can be commited by a family member, relative, friend, teacher,caretaker,neighbour,religious leader or stranger.And it constitutes to any 1 of the following 10 lewd acts: indecent exposure, pornography, fondling, molestation, incest, sodomy, oral sex, sexual intercourse, rape and prostitution.......... i) Difficulty to be INTIMATE wif spouse. ii) DEPRESSION iii) WEIGHT probelms iv) Deviant sexual behaviors b) PHYSICAL or VERBAL abuse. i) LOW self esteem (Ps 64:3 and Ps 140:1, 3) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4. Serious ANGER problems a) Parental absence : separation, divorce, deatyh, adoption, suicide, prolonged overseas assignments b) Parents who r EMOTIONALLY SHUTDOWN. i) Unexpressive and non-nurturing yourself ii) "CLINGY" possessive and over demanding of ur mate's attention. iii) Fearful of COMMITMENT iv) INSECURE, possessive, and full of mistrust c) CONTROL MANIPULATION i) NO PERSONALITY ii) REBELLIOUS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ INNER VOWS An inner vow is a PRE-DETERMINATION set by the mind and heart in ur childhood that will subconsciously direct ur whole adult life. ( 1 COR. 13:11) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ How to deal wif all this problems???????????????? 1) CONFESS that U have a problem (1 JOHN 1:9) 2) FORGIVE those who have hurt U, esp ur parents.( Matt. 6:15 ) 3) ASK GOD to forgive U for habouring resentment, bitterness and judgement towards ppl, yourself, and perhaps even GOD himself. ( Mark 11:25-26) 4) RELEASE all ur hurt to Jesus. ( 1 Pet. 5:7 ) 5) Receive HEALING from, HIM. ( Luke 4:18 ) 6) RECONCILE, whenever possible. ( Matt. 5:23-24 ; James 5:16) 7) make RESTITUTION, whenever possible ( LUKE 19:8 ; Eph. 4:28)

BrandanBRA posted at 10:00 PM